A Petectives Christmas

Yoshi and Gatsby discuss their impressions of the holiday season in this blog post that was first published for “The 12 Days of Cozies” event at the Cozy Mystery Book Club in 2021::

Yoshi: Greetings cozy lovers! Please allow us to introduce ourselves. My name is Yoshi. I’m a black cat weighing fourteen pounds. I enjoy reading, napping and ….

Gatsby: What’s happening?

Yoshi: We’re doing a blog post on the Cozy Mystery Book Club’s “12 Days of Cozies” site. Introduce yourself.

Gatsby: My name’s Gatsby. I’m an incredibly good looking orange cat who weighs about twelve pounds and has no idea what a cozy mystery is.

Yoshi: It’s a book genre featuring amateur detectives, a quaint setting and no sex or violence.

Gatsby: Is that why they cut all of the good stuff out of my books?

Yoshi: I believe that you mean our books. I am the one that solves the mysteries after all.

Gatsby: Only after I go out and talk to the suspects, examine the evidence, make fun of  the neighborhood dogs and then come home with all the facts so that you can put down whatever book you happen to be reading and solve the mystery. Doesn’t seem fair that you should get equal credit.

Yoshi: Oh, please. You can’t deny that your crude adventures would be meaningless without my keen ratiocinations.

Gatsby: I probably could if I knew what “ratiocinations” meant.

Yoshi: That’s quite enough banter. We’re here to discuss our views on Christmas. For example, what do you think of Santa Claus? According to the book The Physics of Christmas by Roger Highfield, Santa was originally St. Nicolas from the town of Patara in Turkey and he was born in year 245 AD. Since then he’s…

Gatsby: Isn’t he that big human in the red suit that says “Ps, Ps, Ps!”

Yoshi: No, I believe that he says “Ho, Ho, Ho!”

Gatsby: That’s ridiculous. How would he get anybody’s attention like that?

Yoshi: Good point. What else do you know about him?

Gatsby: Not much. Just that he commits acts of breaking and entering and forces reindeer to provide him with transportation. Seems like a nasty customer. He’d better not try breaking into our human’s house in the middle of the night. I’ll give him five claws in that little round belly.

Yoshi: Let’s move on. What about Christmas trees? According to the book Stories Behind the Great Traditions of Christmas by Ace Collins, German theologian Martin Luther came up with the idea of decorating fir trees with candles as a part of Christmas.

Gatsby: You mean those pine trees the humans put in the living room? I love climbing those!

Yoshi: They’re not for climbing! They’re a decoration meant to convey everlasting love during the Christmas season.

Gatsby: No, they must be for climbing. They put a tree in the house and then put sparkly stuff all over it. How do they expect a cat to not climb that?

Yoshi: As usual, you display impeccable logic.

Gatsby: At least climbing a tree is better that what I assume a dog would do to a tree kept inside the house.

Yoshi: OK, perhaps we’d better move onto another topic! How about Christmas presents? What do you want for Christmas?

Gatsby: Well at this festive time of year, when everybody should be kind to one another and we should all strive to help our fellow beings if only for one day, there is just one thing that I would like.

Yoshi: Yes?

Gatsby: I want everybody to buy Petectives books! All of ‘em! They make the perfect gift and I get a decent cut of the profits!

Yoshi: Gatsby…

Gatsby: I narrate the books so you know they’re hilarious. And they’ve got mystery and lots of action. Why someone tries to kill me at least once every book!

Yoshi: I’m sure that your sales pitch would be far more successful if you were to lead with that fact.

Gatsby: Very funny. Don’t you have some book to get back to?

Yoshi: Indeed. We’ve wasted enough of these good people’s time. Let’s wrap it up.

Gatsby: Sounds good. Merry Christmas everybody!

Yoshi: Oh thank goodness. For a moment I thought that you were going to attempt humor and say something puerile like “Meowy Christmas”.

Gatsby: Of course not. Give me some credit.

Yoshi: My apologies.

Gatsby: Feline Navidad, people!!!!

Yoshi: Oh for the love of cats. Merry Christmas everyone.

Merry Christmas!

Reflections on My Life with Gatsby

NOTE: The real life Gatsby passed away about a year and a half ago. This remembrance appeared on the Cat Writers Association blog immediately thereafter but it just occurred to me that it was never on the Petectives blog – so here it is:

By Robert J. Smith

I’m saddened to announce the passing of my cat, Gatsby Smith. He lived to the ripe old age of seventeen and is survived by two cat brothers, a dog brother, and a human family. He was the inspiration for several books I’ve written that co-star an orange cat named Gatsby. The fictional Gatsby is a risk-taker, full of bravado and wisecracks. The personality of the real-life Gatsby was almost the exact opposite. He started with us as a skittish, well-behaved kitten and over his seventeen years developed into a lovable grumpy old cat.

We got Gatsby about sixteen and a half years ago after my wife’s cat, Monte had passed away and neither she nor our other cat, Yoshi was taking it very well. Yoshi had been with Monte for most of his life and now that he was the only cat in the house, he had started howling his head off in the middle of the night, manically racing around the house and generally acting nuts. My wife, who had loved Monte dearly was either sobbing uncontrollably or just plain depressed. I figured that both of them needed a new cat. Not so much to replace Monte but to give them something on which to expend their energy. So we went to an animal shelter on a September afternoon to see what they had. Luckily, there were a bunch of kittens. I have heard that when you go to the shelter to get a cat, you don’t pick the cat, the cat picks you. That was the case in this instance only the cat picked the wrong person. This pet shelter was in a big house and there were cats and dogs in big cages upstairs and downstairs. Most of them ignored us, but when we got to a cage of ginger kittens, one little guy seemed desperate to get my attention. He was jumping up against the walls of the cage and mewing directly at me. I picked him up and he was all over me. He immediately bonded with me. Of course, that hadn’t been the plan at all but my wife didn’t see any cats that appealed to her more than this cute little guy so we adopted him. We figured that he would warm up to her eventually.

That set the tone for the next seventeen years. Gatsby made it clear that I was his human. He would follow me around. His cat bed sat at the end of my desk so that he could supervise whatever I was doing. (Right now, as I write this, his absence is palpable). During his time with us, our family expanded by two children, a dog and after Yoshi passed, two more cats.  With all of these individuals in the house, Gatsby always obviously favored me above everyone else. It’s very rare to find a cat with taste that great.

Our other cat Yoshi had been quite a character. When he passed, I wrote about him and I had story after story to relate about his quirks and the shenanigans he would get into. Gatsby was not a character. He was awesome but he was sweet, quiet, well-behaved, and stayed out of drama. The most dramatic thing he ever did was one time when he went missing in the house for a couple days. We finally found him behind some boxes in the basement, hungry and dehydrated. The vet had no idea what had caused this and we never found out what happened. But for the most part, he was a calm little guy.

He liked sitting in my lap, he liked laying in his bed on my desk and he liked gnawing at the bones of my chicken wings when I was done with them. He loved to get a running start, jump on me and then run up my back and perch on my shoulder like a feline parrot. Sometimes, if necessary, he would lick my forehead for a few minutes to make sure that I was presentable. Occasionally in the middle of the night, he would sit in the kitchen and howl my name. (You can scoff, but he definitely said, “WWWRRROOOOOBB!”. You can ask anyone in my family.) When I got out of bed and went downstairs to see what he wanted, he would have a sparkly ball cat toy in his mouth which he would drop as I approached.

I portray Gatsby in my books as an adventurous cat – in reality, if I accidentally left the front door open, the most he would do is walk out a couple of steps and sit on the porch. The dog would bolt out the door and be on his way to Canada before we noticed the door was open but Gatsby was content to just get outside and have a few breaths of fresh air before someone noticed him and put him back inside.

I’m trying not to be too sad about Gatsby’s death. He lived a very long life and for practically all of it, he had security, a full belly, and was loved. He leaves behind a family with a lot of memories and a fictional version of himself that’s been read by people around the world. Not a bad legacy for a little orange cat from the pet shelter.

Goodbye Gatsby.

World’s Best Cat Litter-Ary Award!

Petectives: Rainbow Bridge was awarded the 2022 “World’s Best Cat Litter-Ary Award from the Cat Writer’s Association sponsored by World’s Best Cat Litter. Previous winners of the award include books from Carole Nelson Douglas’ “Midnight Louie” series and Shirley Rosseau Murphy’s “Joe Grey” mystery series.

Awards Season

 

Gatsby awards

I’d like to thank all of the little people who made this possible…

 

2017-bookawardYoshi and Gatsby were recently honored by each being named runners up for the “Stephen Memorial Book Award”. The award is from the UK book club website “Bookangel.co.uk” and honors Stephen, their recently deceased cat.
The winner of the award was Tigger from the book, “Tigger: Memoirs of a Cosmopolitan Cat” by Suzanne Heywood. Two of the ten runner-up slots were taken by Yoshi and Gatsby. The judges gave each  of my cats their own position on the list because “this prevents the writer having to split an award between two cats and dealing with feline jealousy.”  I appreciate the thought but that shouldn’t be a problem since the real life Yoshi passed away almost exactly one year ago. (Although if Yoshi hadn’t received his own award I could definitely see him coming back from the grave to mess with Gatsby).

Here are the write ups the site gave for each cat:

Gatsby:

Gatsby is the active part of the feline detective duo: Sam Spade to Yoshi’s Mycroft Holmes. Yoshi’s partner in claws, Gatsby is cool and sophisticated (at least, he thinks so). He spends more of his time doing the legwork and getting into scrapes but still knows how to handle himself in a fight or mystery, just not when the vet is involved…

Yoshi:

A smart, eloquent, black cat who insists on his regularly scheduled nap times and is fastidiously fussy when dealing with other creatures. Yoshi is way smarter than any cat has a right to be, and he has no problems being smug about it. His partner Gatsby might find the mysteries, but Yoshi is the one who solves them, as long as it doesn’t mean exerting himself or disturbing his naps!

Anyone who would like to see the other runners up or learn more about the award can go to this website: http://thedistinctivecat.com/

Thanks to all of the people at Bookangel.co.uk for the recognition!

Petectives: Stalking Horse

The new Petectives ebook is now available for pre-order!

petectives 4 cover

Check it out:

https://www.amazon.com/Petectives-Stalking-Robert-J-Smith-ebook/dp/B01KBDU36Q/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1471114704&sr=1-1

 

Petectives: Stalking Horse: The latest Yoshi & Gatsby novella. When cat detective Gatsby is called out to the Blue Moon horse farm to investigate a possible murder attempt on an ex-racehorse, he finds that the farm is a hotbed of new rivalries and old grudges. With no help from his housebound partner Yoshi, Gatsby finds himself out of his element and in the line of fire. For the first time in Petectives history, Gatsby’s on his own and can’t rely on Yoshi to unravel a deadly mystery. Or can he?