A Petectives Christmas

Yoshi and Gatsby discuss their impressions of the holiday season in this blog post that was first published for “The 12 Days of Cozies” event at the Cozy Mystery Book Club in 2021::

Yoshi: Greetings cozy lovers! Please allow us to introduce ourselves. My name is Yoshi. I’m a black cat weighing fourteen pounds. I enjoy reading, napping and ….

Gatsby: What’s happening?

Yoshi: We’re doing a blog post on the Cozy Mystery Book Club’s “12 Days of Cozies” site. Introduce yourself.

Gatsby: My name’s Gatsby. I’m an incredibly good looking orange cat who weighs about twelve pounds and has no idea what a cozy mystery is.

Yoshi: It’s a book genre featuring amateur detectives, a quaint setting and no sex or violence.

Gatsby: Is that why they cut all of the good stuff out of my books?

Yoshi: I believe that you mean our books. I am the one that solves the mysteries after all.

Gatsby: Only after I go out and talk to the suspects, examine the evidence, make fun of  the neighborhood dogs and then come home with all the facts so that you can put down whatever book you happen to be reading and solve the mystery. Doesn’t seem fair that you should get equal credit.

Yoshi: Oh, please. You can’t deny that your crude adventures would be meaningless without my keen ratiocinations.

Gatsby: I probably could if I knew what “ratiocinations” meant.

Yoshi: That’s quite enough banter. We’re here to discuss our views on Christmas. For example, what do you think of Santa Claus? According to the book The Physics of Christmas by Roger Highfield, Santa was originally St. Nicolas from the town of Patara in Turkey and he was born in year 245 AD. Since then he’s…

Gatsby: Isn’t he that big human in the red suit that says “Ps, Ps, Ps!”

Yoshi: No, I believe that he says “Ho, Ho, Ho!”

Gatsby: That’s ridiculous. How would he get anybody’s attention like that?

Yoshi: Good point. What else do you know about him?

Gatsby: Not much. Just that he commits acts of breaking and entering and forces reindeer to provide him with transportation. Seems like a nasty customer. He’d better not try breaking into our human’s house in the middle of the night. I’ll give him five claws in that little round belly.

Yoshi: Let’s move on. What about Christmas trees? According to the book Stories Behind the Great Traditions of Christmas by Ace Collins, German theologian Martin Luther came up with the idea of decorating fir trees with candles as a part of Christmas.

Gatsby: You mean those pine trees the humans put in the living room? I love climbing those!

Yoshi: They’re not for climbing! They’re a decoration meant to convey everlasting love during the Christmas season.

Gatsby: No, they must be for climbing. They put a tree in the house and then put sparkly stuff all over it. How do they expect a cat to not climb that?

Yoshi: As usual, you display impeccable logic.

Gatsby: At least climbing a tree is better that what I assume a dog would do to a tree kept inside the house.

Yoshi: OK, perhaps we’d better move onto another topic! How about Christmas presents? What do you want for Christmas?

Gatsby: Well at this festive time of year, when everybody should be kind to one another and we should all strive to help our fellow beings if only for one day, there is just one thing that I would like.

Yoshi: Yes?

Gatsby: I want everybody to buy Petectives books! All of ‘em! They make the perfect gift and I get a decent cut of the profits!

Yoshi: Gatsby…

Gatsby: I narrate the books so you know they’re hilarious. And they’ve got mystery and lots of action. Why someone tries to kill me at least once every book!

Yoshi: I’m sure that your sales pitch would be far more successful if you were to lead with that fact.

Gatsby: Very funny. Don’t you have some book to get back to?

Yoshi: Indeed. We’ve wasted enough of these good people’s time. Let’s wrap it up.

Gatsby: Sounds good. Merry Christmas everybody!

Yoshi: Oh thank goodness. For a moment I thought that you were going to attempt humor and say something puerile like “Meowy Christmas”.

Gatsby: Of course not. Give me some credit.

Yoshi: My apologies.

Gatsby: Feline Navidad, people!!!!

Yoshi: Oh for the love of cats. Merry Christmas everyone.

Merry Christmas!

Reflections on My Life with Gatsby

NOTE: The real life Gatsby passed away about a year and a half ago. This remembrance appeared on the Cat Writers Association blog immediately thereafter but it just occurred to me that it was never on the Petectives blog – so here it is:

By Robert J. Smith

I’m saddened to announce the passing of my cat, Gatsby Smith. He lived to the ripe old age of seventeen and is survived by two cat brothers, a dog brother, and a human family. He was the inspiration for several books I’ve written that co-star an orange cat named Gatsby. The fictional Gatsby is a risk-taker, full of bravado and wisecracks. The personality of the real-life Gatsby was almost the exact opposite. He started with us as a skittish, well-behaved kitten and over his seventeen years developed into a lovable grumpy old cat.

We got Gatsby about sixteen and a half years ago after my wife’s cat, Monte had passed away and neither she nor our other cat, Yoshi was taking it very well. Yoshi had been with Monte for most of his life and now that he was the only cat in the house, he had started howling his head off in the middle of the night, manically racing around the house and generally acting nuts. My wife, who had loved Monte dearly was either sobbing uncontrollably or just plain depressed. I figured that both of them needed a new cat. Not so much to replace Monte but to give them something on which to expend their energy. So we went to an animal shelter on a September afternoon to see what they had. Luckily, there were a bunch of kittens. I have heard that when you go to the shelter to get a cat, you don’t pick the cat, the cat picks you. That was the case in this instance only the cat picked the wrong person. This pet shelter was in a big house and there were cats and dogs in big cages upstairs and downstairs. Most of them ignored us, but when we got to a cage of ginger kittens, one little guy seemed desperate to get my attention. He was jumping up against the walls of the cage and mewing directly at me. I picked him up and he was all over me. He immediately bonded with me. Of course, that hadn’t been the plan at all but my wife didn’t see any cats that appealed to her more than this cute little guy so we adopted him. We figured that he would warm up to her eventually.

That set the tone for the next seventeen years. Gatsby made it clear that I was his human. He would follow me around. His cat bed sat at the end of my desk so that he could supervise whatever I was doing. (Right now, as I write this, his absence is palpable). During his time with us, our family expanded by two children, a dog and after Yoshi passed, two more cats.  With all of these individuals in the house, Gatsby always obviously favored me above everyone else. It’s very rare to find a cat with taste that great.

Our other cat Yoshi had been quite a character. When he passed, I wrote about him and I had story after story to relate about his quirks and the shenanigans he would get into. Gatsby was not a character. He was awesome but he was sweet, quiet, well-behaved, and stayed out of drama. The most dramatic thing he ever did was one time when he went missing in the house for a couple days. We finally found him behind some boxes in the basement, hungry and dehydrated. The vet had no idea what had caused this and we never found out what happened. But for the most part, he was a calm little guy.

He liked sitting in my lap, he liked laying in his bed on my desk and he liked gnawing at the bones of my chicken wings when I was done with them. He loved to get a running start, jump on me and then run up my back and perch on my shoulder like a feline parrot. Sometimes, if necessary, he would lick my forehead for a few minutes to make sure that I was presentable. Occasionally in the middle of the night, he would sit in the kitchen and howl my name. (You can scoff, but he definitely said, “WWWRRROOOOOBB!”. You can ask anyone in my family.) When I got out of bed and went downstairs to see what he wanted, he would have a sparkly ball cat toy in his mouth which he would drop as I approached.

I portray Gatsby in my books as an adventurous cat – in reality, if I accidentally left the front door open, the most he would do is walk out a couple of steps and sit on the porch. The dog would bolt out the door and be on his way to Canada before we noticed the door was open but Gatsby was content to just get outside and have a few breaths of fresh air before someone noticed him and put him back inside.

I’m trying not to be too sad about Gatsby’s death. He lived a very long life and for practically all of it, he had security, a full belly, and was loved. He leaves behind a family with a lot of memories and a fictional version of himself that’s been read by people around the world. Not a bad legacy for a little orange cat from the pet shelter.

Goodbye Gatsby.

World’s Best Cat Litter-Ary Award!

Petectives: Rainbow Bridge was awarded the 2022 “World’s Best Cat Litter-Ary Award from the Cat Writer’s Association sponsored by World’s Best Cat Litter. Previous winners of the award include books from Carole Nelson Douglas’ “Midnight Louie” series and Shirley Rosseau Murphy’s “Joe Grey” mystery series.

Petectives: Rainbow Bridge

Phone the neighbors! Wake the kids! A new Petectives book is out!

The Rainbow Bridge is the wonderful place that pets visit after they die. Is someone planning a one-way, all-expense paid trip there for cat detectives Yoshi and Gatsby? Things are getting tense for the world’s greatest cat detectives. Wild coyotes are roaming the streets, a fast talking cat psychic claims he can speak to the dead and the neighborhood is being plagued by robberies committed by literal cat burglars. All of that is nothing compared to what might be the biggest challenge of Yoshi and Gatsby’s careers: their humans have just adopted a dog!
Before the mysteries are solved there will be a thrilling rooftop chase, encounters with animal villains and a ghostly visitation. Humor, action and mystery combine into a story that both pet lovers and mystery readers will love.

New Petectives Book Available for Pre-Order!

A new Petectives book comes out on August 8 and is now available to pre-order on Amazon. Here’s the description:

The Rainbow Bridge is the wonderful place that pets visit after they die. Is someone planning a one-way, all-expense paid trip there for cat detectives Yoshi and Gatsby? Things are getting tense for the world’s greatest cat detectives. Wild coyotes are roaming the streets, a fast talking cat psychic claims he can speak to the dead and the neighborhood is being plagued by robberies committed by literal cat burglars. All of that is nothing compared to what might be the biggest challenge of Yoshi and Gatsby’s careers: their humans have just adopted a dog!
Before the mysteries are solved there will be a thrilling rooftop chase, encounters with animal villains and a ghostly visitation. Humor, action and mystery combine into a story that both pet lovers and mystery readers will love.

Here’s the link:

Petectives: Rainbow Bridge – Kindle edition by Smith, Robert J.. Mystery, Thriller & Suspense Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

New Petectives short story coming!

A brand new Petectives short story will be released on 1/18/21!

Who is the Fourth Cat?!?!?
An early tale of the Petectives: A sarcastic kitten named Gatsby has just been adopted by a new family and has taken on a new job: assistant to Yoshi the cat detective. The two of them have been tasked with stopping a gang of cats terrorizing the neighborhood. When Yoshi sends Gatsby out to track down the leader of the gang, it looks like Gatsby’s in over his cute little cat head. Can he and Yoshi track down the elusive fourth cat or are Gatsby’s days numbered?

12 Days of Cozies

Have you been missing Yoshi and Gatsby? On December Fourth the guys will be sharing their views about Christmas for the “12 Days of Cozies” event at the Cozy Mystery Club website.

Come on over and see what the cats have to say about the Holiday season and while you’re at it, you can check out all of the other books and authors participating in 12 Days of Cozies. There are also daily giveaways, cozy challenges, nightly author chats (I’ll be participating on 12/4), and lots more! Check out #12DaysofCozies starting 12/1.